OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
