At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
