every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
