if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize