24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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