remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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