i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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