i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize