I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
