everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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