you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
