If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
