I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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