You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
