i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just blew my weed a kiss
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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