you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
