guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
