i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
