So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
