2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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