so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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