you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
