shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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