Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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