i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
