I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
