How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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