Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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