batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
