They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
