I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
