a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
