You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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