Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
