I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
