I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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