im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
