Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
