I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
