I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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