Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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