Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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