I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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