in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
