Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
