So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize