the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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