i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
NoShamevember. You game?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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