She is in my trunk
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
