Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
