I understand Curling. That high.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
