please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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