hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He passed out mid-signature
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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