Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
porn star boner night. come get it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
