I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
