I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
